Don't tell my Mother: I am Messi

Disclaimer: All the views expressed below are my personal, so not to be taken seriously. No harm is intended towards any popular figure mentioned in the below piece. As I always say...Just for fun!! Also, the title owes its origin to one of my favourite TV shows in the recent times "Don't tell my Mother". Finally, I am not the "Great Messi" but rather "Messy" as you could like.

HI All,

Back! It seems like a century has passed since I last opened my dashboard. Life has been nothing but Dramatic..More dramatic than the entire history of this Universe..Even more dramatic than a lifestyle of a bollywood celebrity gone nuts...Or even more dramatic than our news channel say India TV....Quite a shame it is....the channel!! .Hell! Conditions and Situations have been hellish and even more dramatic are the fact that they are self created ones. Ahh this is dramatic now..I am a bad starter...bad starter anywhere..!

Talking about messy mind!

I could do anything in my mind. At least in my mind!! But my mind is nothing but a wandering mind, exhibiting fickleness all the time. Mad! I am a crazy guy..Deranged fella! It always takes a while for a deranged person to realize that he has not been properly arranged. By the time the deranged realizes, the arrangement changes.

Life changed again in a pretty bizarre manner, almost too sudden for any human form to adapt. The change was triggered in a matter of few seconds...courtesy messy mind.
Just a few months back, my mind led me to a place where I could not imagine I would sit....."Though, I flunked the opportunity".....It also led me to a place where I had the privilege to work under the most amazing and dynamic woman I ever saw. It was like going back in time and serving the ex Prime Minister Indira Gandhi herself (As though, I really wanted to serve). Then I also met with a man who was almost like Netaji Subhash Chandra Bose.( My pleasure, he could have passed for Hitler too :p) Ironically, These people never went to any of the top educational institutions we know..(Ah well, the people I met, the people of my mind) but they were born leaders anyway. But it could very well be a flawed image perceived deep inside my mind. Whatever, I experienced the most inspiring period of my life. Credit to the brain master! But as always, it has all messed up real bad.....The wires inside the mind are a real mess!!

The Messy Outsourced job!!

We in India do all kind of jobs and one of the most interesting jobs is the outsourced one. I have been privileged to be part of one time and again. Though I left it for once and all and vowed never to get back, but I am back now and that’s how insanity works.

Any weekday, 5.15 evening..

The cab arrives at this unholy hour because it’s not saturday, It’s a jittery moment...strange sinking feeling inside your heart.(could very well vary though)..I count the days, 5 to go..I curse myself. “Damn it, it’s only a Monday..Hell number of days to go”. I take the front seat, thinking where am I going. I could have gone to a restro bar. “Calm down” I say to myself.
Sights on Delhi streets are quite the opposite. People are so very desperate to reach back home. They are on foot, on cycles/cycles with motors attached, hatchbacks, sedans follow too. Buses are choked with people..who are seemingly fighting each other to take in that elusive oxygen in the heavy CO2 environment. The people of the cab however, want to let out everything....there is a tickle in the heart as one sees a Hyundai car. I don’t know what’s so special about the Korean car maker, as most of the drivers are the very pretty Delhi girls (at times, they could have your nerves wracking all over the place). Cab driver has a completely uninteresting music collection to share...something from the 90s...some of the songs are just pure filth, the rare raunchy numbers (a$$#ol$). Well, you make it to your American funded office (for American purpose).

It’s 6 in the evening, but one still has to say “Good Morning”. That’s how globalization work, , it’s good morning round the clock. Though, one is also filled with financially motivated servitude to oblige. Some people would simply pamper everyone else with all the daily amusements they have to share....some would talk, listen on the recent official crisis.

Though, as soon as you are on floor, it’s a level playing field. Everyone is competing for the very same cause for which they rub or have been rubbing butts for years. It does not matter which position you hold! They only differ on their respective approaches and attitudes. Talking about attitude, some of them work with heavy American, some with mild American and some with very Indian attitude. Heavy American are the senior people...who on daily basis take an aim at the American management but only like an Archer aiming a target with an arrow made out of flowers. They are recluse, yet easy going with all. They would take some breathers outside of floor only to exhale the excessive inhale of rotten flowery smell. The only way to do that is the heavy puff of smoke.

The mild Americans include the people who have only adopted the American culture for their personal benefits; their work style is Indian laidback. They have friend circles like the legendary TV show FRIENDS. They don’t give a damn to the floor surroundings, what they care is a good time outside in cafeteria or wait anxiously for the weekend forever.

Finally, the Indian attitude people who are only on the floor to experience the floor. This is a makeshift arrangement for them. They curse everyone every time inside out to the core! And well, I am just a mere observer.

The entire night passes and it’s still the Good night. You can’t leave at 3 in the morning saying “Have a nice day, son”. Even though it’s messy but you still like it...this is what do you do for a living. Earning living is always messy. :D

The Messy Delhi..

It’s been 100 years since Delhi was made the official capital of India by the British. Rather than the celebrations of this historic moment, the city is embroiled in the heat of anti corruption war.

It’s a complete mess...in fact can’t get messier. But the mess of corruption has to be messed up with and the people are getting used to fighting it. The country however is destined to be developed with hell number of brilliant minds working round the clock. On shore..of shore!! :-)

Hope you enjoyed it....stay tuned for more..!

जय श्री कृष्णा!

The Flawful me and the Flawless Delhi!!

Disclaimer: Do not expect anything special, I am talking about the fancy language,  the nice jokes..Sarcasm….The flair has left me!!
Do not laugh at “someone”..that someone could be you too!! Also the personality names used in latter part are just for fun…

Hi All,

PART I: The Flaws! FLAWFUL ME!! Awesomely Awful.

So I have joined at a new place recently, Quite a place…Yes the place is “Quiet”. I love this peace part..I love peace. Though my new office has this other branch in the city but I am sitting at the “quiet” peace loving branch, As I am supposed to and trust me it’s a nightmare down there at the other branch, which NOBODY wants to experience. Fish Market..NO..Its a whale market.
Amazing Vocal cords!! Damn the Surround sound!! Also this other branch has that Rocket Singh feel to it, you know the bollywood movie you must have watched or heard about. I am sure people interviewed for this branch must have been asked the same movie question.. चल यह पेन बेच के बता? <--citation needed
So interestingly enough it’s a Hard-core sales job and even more interesting is the fact that I am not even a Soft-core seller.. Nice combo! Ha!
  
“ME”

ME is the flaw here, if any. I have complains as usual, the uncanny restlessness and the normal sadness. I don’t like work practically and I jump at a sight of a single penny more offered somewhere else. Now this penny made me recall a certain set of events. I did  not have any options a few fortnights back and then suddenly “thanx to Krishna”, I get too many options and I make a choice and then fumble/tumble at the sight of these additional pennies I see from another xyz source. How greedy I have become? I don’t even consider the Pros and Cons of a workplace, though bear in mind the fact that this new work place has this “Con” word attached to it. I don’t understand the founders here who named or named a part of the NAME as “CON” Why would you do that?

”Them”??

Why don’t people ask me चल यह पेन बेच के बता? Before offering me a sales job..:D
One of my friends told me that I am a door to door salesman lookalike. Sadly though, just a lookalike would not do it OR would it? Oh lost track..Yeah so I am not the right guy hired but I would prove the world that I am the right guy. I would prove them right and they would send me the billion pennies. YEAH!!

PART II The Flawless Delhi(Flawful Research)

Delhi is a beautiful city and it surely is flawless!! Now, I am in love with the names of streets, lanes and even certain विहार/नगर/पुरी/पुर/गढ़(townships) in this city. There is this hidden symbolism around this city I feel, which not many could read. I could be horribly wrong too, may be I have not read enough books on Delhi! My home town! My favorite town..:)

Now there is this thought process I feel have been applied especially in the Lutyen’s Delhi. You would a find a lot of roads been named after a lot of the past rulers, emperors of India or the ones who were involved in those great battles of the past. Now personally, I have fought many battles on Delhi streets and for the past 2 years I have been fighting one at Shahjahan road and have been murdered everytime by a lane nearby named after his son the Aurengzeb lane. NO wonder the b%##$%# could not manage a nice avenue after his name. No unfortunately he did, there is this road after him…damn

Shahjahan Road! It hurts every time I cross that street, hard to tell, but interestingly after this is the Prithiviraj road, I am assuming this is after the Great Prithviraj Chauhan II who lost the Hindu India to the moslim warrior Mohammed Gauri of Ghor province. No wonder there is no road named after Gauri in Delhi...Legend holds that he tried to conquer  India 7 times, some say 17 times..AND Man.and he came out trumps officially at least the second time at tarain in Haryana. What a fighter..never gave up. Lesson learnt is that perseverance pays..So Shahjahan dream is still alive and this is no Taj Mahal..:p!!

Other interesting thing I noticed were the headquarters of the 2 of the biggest political parties of India, the Congress S..Don’t mind the “S” here is the Italian version of congress..Oh Digression! So the congress party headquarter is on Akbar Road. As if they are the only one concerned about the “secular” nature of this country and the BJP has it on Ashoka road. As if they are the only ones who are the “righteous” in their political conduct.

The Prime Minister house is on the Race course road. Is he the only one in this city, who is racing against time or spending his time betting on the political horses? I would have to presume the latter considering the current scam and scum situation in this city, you could almost smell it on the streets, the stink of Corruption!!
Townships…Chanakya puri..named after the great leader of the past.. I would say the greatest Indian ever ..who authored many books on Diplomacy, Economy etc, THOUSANDS of years back!! so no wonder the diplomatic township has been named after him. I can only hope that his policies are effectively practiced too. That would do no harm to India’s foreign affairs and would also help cleaning the house. Okay! My research on Delhi has only started and I know and understand by this time that I should not try to put it here, any of mine poor research work again.

Lets end it here..I stay in Vivek Vihar and I hardly have any vivek. I need to work on my vivek..Could they change it to something else..No I would have to change myself…But I have help as I am not alone now, I could feel the sheer presence of almighty!!

Take care!!

जय श्री कृष्णा !!

Bit of everything!!

Hi All,


Hope you all doing super! I am back at my office which is kind of weird that this blog dashboard is turning out to be my office. Sometimes MS office too sounds like an office to me. I like to play around with MS office. its fun!! New Resume formats...New Cover letters..blah blah. As usual new year, yup still new year foe..oops for me. We got this new financial year coming up and as I was last financial year's eve..."jobless”, this is what exactly I am this year's eve..freaking "Jobless". So Happy new year to me. The most unstable guy in the history of Indian professional careers. All the retrospective and prospective employers hate me..in fact they are scared of me. They don't need me,  I would be the last employee on earth for them and they still wont pick me, If such a situation arises like me being the lone survivor among employees lost in the tsunami of recession. They won’t pick me..:D

They would rather work with a cow but not with me the "Holy Cow". I don't know what’s wrong with me. I just can't get this right. Stupid. Idiot..NO..Classical stupido Idiot!!

So where we are! I don't know!! I still gotta write something and I hope I get this right as I feel this strong urge to write. So the matter in this post I wanna discuss is first up, facebook. Funny facebook.  Turned my life on its head on several occasions. Great platform!! IF only I could write this on my resume, FB has all the functional and technical skills and also has all the profound achievements of my life and I hope Mr. Mark Zuckerburg reads this and offer me a job. Chances are negative!! Let’s kill my chances, I did not watch The Social Network. I never felt like!! We have these live adventures happening daily on the real social network, Why would I need to see Social network? The other thing I wanna talk about is Hollywood. Damn! What movies they make! I thought when I saw the inception, An epic movie really! And that academy award is just a formality of sort for this movie, It would be all simple like "the best movie goes to Inception".  But what deceptions we have at the Kodak theatre, LA. There got to be some craziest directors out there. And finally I was happy to see that at least the movie was nominated. What competition? They would not make a movie like inception in India in a hundred years and it still does not get the best movie award at Oscars. Pretty Amazing! King's Speech. What speech they had in their movie? I have not watched this movie, did not even care to read a review.  So forgive me about my plot! But here we have a king stuttering the entire movie and sounds like the stuttering speech gave him his oscar. Amazing guys! 
So as the title was Bit of everything, I don’t know where I am going with this! What's up now! Yup the crazy phone calls I get.

The INNER- View Scenario # 1

I am just wandering around my home expecting a telephonic interview call. And the zoozoo network calls me for what I thought to be a innerview call. Its all the songs they are offering me. Can't even play a decent song. The Ugliest and least melodious sounds burn my ears. I say s***.

INNER Scenario # 2

I am roaming at CP with my only boyfriend. Oh sorry! Complications of life! My only friend and am least expecting a innerview call and the phone rings. I check my mobile seems like the zoozoo number something like 97xxxxxxxx. So I just cut it off! I get a call again, by this time I am checking out the hot chickens outside the Kentucky fried chickens restaurant. But I still somehow managed to pick it up.

The unexpected innerviewer goes “Hello Is this Piyush? I am dash calling from dash how are you doing?”

Me,myself and dumbhole- “ Oh! Hello Ma’m! Perfect! I am actually busy. Could I call you back after 5 minutes? Would that be okay?”

The real reason for this request wasn’t me being in CP and being unprepared but apparently a nice girl just offered me a smile. They don’t smile at me in a thousand years but this is the moment they chose. So I had to disconnect.
The next thing I see is that girl is nowhere to be seen. Whoa! Then I call back at the same number! The lady neva picks up! I call the agency which had fixed the innerview.

They say “you blew it son”. Not exactly this way, a bit more decent way. Decent enough till it sounds like an abuse of sort
“You just had a business head from xyz calling you after taking out some precious time of hers after a week and now she wont”, Now you know you are a goner!

I say to myself like I do say manier times these days. “ Jai shree Krishna” Why me? :D

Then I go to fb, Again!! find that person who called me after a bit of research. Damn! An LSE alumni just called me a few hours back and I hung up on her! A NIEC, New Delhi graduate hanging up on a LSE, London post graduate. What courage and Audacity?? But you gotta live with it. Zoozoo guys are amazing and the chickens too. Funny life! I think about sending a sorry message on facebook but that too doesn’t make sense. So by this time I am sure you all had the inner view of my life!! :D

Lets move on! Yup Cricket World cup is on! Dhoni the silent true champion, who silently has won innumerable games for India and now also leading India’s cause for the World cup and  I Still firmly believe that he would get it right in the knock outs and get us that elusive trophy for 28 years running now. He is a great captain and a leader. The only thing he needs to do is fire up his batting a bit and I can only hope! Rest all the luck to my team and my unquestionable and undeniable support, in any case to Team INDIA.

And finally I really feel a bit sad about Japan! Probably the greatest country on earth. They sit on all those natural disaster, ring of fire and had many fires in the past. The ruthless American administration nuked them in 1945. Despite of all these challenges and turbulent past, they always have proved that they are the greatest country. A fraction of a population holds roughly 10% of world's economy. They are no way like the US who have everything IDEAL for them. Ideal country size, Japan is small. No major natural disasters, Japan sits on them. Thin density of population, Japan among the heaviest, US Full of natural resouces,Japan hardly have some, but still what took US the 300 years, Japan does it every 50 years.

I pray to Krishna that they get out of this trouble asap and they would surely. My prayers actually go to the people trapped in the adversity of life. God bless them!!
That is all for now! I would keep you posted on every bits and bytes of life!

जय श्री कृष्णा!

The Fun-Gus and Diva-Stating

Disclaimer: This post has a lot of fungus and a lot of devastation. Readers!! Please mind it!!:P
masala series 2011 part 2!!


Hi All,

Hope you are doing well! 2011 is moving a bit faster than I originally anticipated. But, it’s ok! I am use to this. Now, I feel 2010 was better. I had a vision and which later kept on getting blurred. Now back to 2011, I don't have a vision and I am using Krishna's vision.

I beg your pardon!! 2011 IS SO MUCH BETTER! :))

So no more digression as it is getting difficult for your digestion. I can understand! So here you go!

The Fun-Gus!

As we were kids, we were having all the fun and time of our lives. It was incredible!! But hang on a sec, we were always waiting for the more fun life can produce for us and we were constantly praying for our own ageing.

"Growing old would be so much fun" I remember I said to my friend..um Class 6 it was! He said...”YESSSSSSSSSS..It would be so much fun”. HAW!! How stupid we were then.

Kids are stupid anyways! Ain't it?? But, as the age took its toll our fun kept on decreasing. Yes you read it right. “Toll” it is which we pay every year in the form of ever decreasing mind power on this expressway called life. If only I could put a graph in here on an axis of fun w.r.t age. You would see that the fun would fall exponentially w.r.t to our age. Ridiculous life it gets! Once you are passed your college! You are a complete mess! Trust me! A Complete mess. Now, I feel like going back in to that time when I was in 6th and slapping myself at least a billion times. Oh How stupid It would be again! Perhaps, we still our kids.

What a complete waste of time it would be? :D

So the conclusion I wanted to draw was that it’s more of fungus now than any possible fun. Do not relate the fun and Gus to the urban dictionary. Some people don’t understand the fungus of life. Where they are now? Somewhere in the Pubs of Gurgaon OR vasant kunj. Well, life teaches everyone a lesson in its own way. So, who am I to decide upon those vasant or gurgaon people. :D Well talking about Gurgaon, I had the ultimate masala of my life recently. Spice it is!

Diva-stating!


Meeting # 1

Till this very day, I have been working in small companies. Not even mid-size COMPANIES! Small puny little companies.:D Very bad you know! So, I had this desire to get associated with one of those powerful mnc’s apparently based out of Gurgaon. Gurgaon Cyber city it is! The most powerful bloc in NCR next only to the Govt of India in north and south bloc, New Delhi.

Though, It’s pretty far from my home in east Delhi, Where I stay, So on my first meeting with a company there I decided to use the metro and give rest to my Aston Martin with ever increasing fuel prices been taken in to consideration. I got on the train and roughed up I felt. You know, I am not an MBA and I lack this professional sense and all and I already was dressed up pretty bad. Rest the metro guys made sure that by the time I reached HUDA city center in Gurgaon. I was just not ready for a corporate meeting. Oh interview! Sorry!

My God! You enter the Gurgaon DLF cyber city and you realize why Mr. Kushal Pal Singh from बुलंदशहर are a multibillionaire. No doubt that Delhi land and finance have been put to good use in this small satellite town of Gurgaon. I dint know it. DLF it is!! These mid –size 10-15 storey buildings would have the entire Mumbai 25- 50 storey skyline been put to shame! Awesome! It’s like entering in to a smaller version of NYC.

Oh I digressed again! So I entered in to the office and I had a lady contact in my head. Oh no!
In my schedule it was. So she started to direct me on the proceedings and the hiring process. Meanwhile I was completely engrossed in this beautiful girl standing in front of me. It was like a Diva singing or stating a song or a story so melodious that you felt like “diva-stating”. Yup devastating the effects are. :D

Meeting # 2

This time it was like an MBA hot shot stepping out of his house and got in to his Aston Martin. No chances the second time around! I was brimming with confidence and was shining in this ultimate professional attire I had chosen for this another giant of a company. I wanted this bad! The view of this smaller NYC got even better with my Aston Martin entering in to the area. :p

An extremely ugly looking guardsman would always appear on a scene like this. I got no idea where they come from! As if they are waiting for this moment to pounce upon you and catch you day-dreaming. Well, I was just looking for a place to park my car and they always have a problem. कित जाना है कौन कंपनी ? पहले ता न देखा तेंने!! “where are you heading? Which company? We have not seen you before.” They shouted! This was apparently a company parking or a “visitor parking” only on the permission of that particular company which you are headed for! I felt roughed up again! :D


I entered the second time but a different and bigger company and “Diva-stating” I felt again! Ah unbearable excitement! :D for the interview of course!! :p


Well the conclusion I wanted to draw was that on both the occasions I was devastated. Dual rejection in no time. :D So always stay focused on the target and do not look elsewhere..:p

Recently I met with a person who seemed as if Lord had sent for me. :)) . According to them its not the company value which counts but the value of the person been created! Rightly said Sir!!

Hope you could read this far!

जय श्री कृष्णा!!

Take care and God bless!